April 2011
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March 2011
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How I Tumbl.
find hot girl on tumblr
go to hot girls tumblr
flip through pages of her tumblr
see triangles
see distorted hungry girls in fashion clothes/headdresses
see she spells with numbers
no longer hot
return to dashboard.
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When in doubt, use the cat.
Mom: I signed up for Match.com
Me: How goes it?
Mom: Well I keep getting winked at
Me: That's good isn't it?
Mom: My main profile picture is with Lazlo, our cat.
Mom: I think their winking at him
Mom: Not me
Me: How do you know that?
Mom: Because the internet loves cats
Mom: Not almost 50 year old women.
Mom: You know how all women fall in love with a young father hanging out at a park or whatever in public by himself with his baby? It's probably not even his baby, maybe he borrowed it from his sister. Either way its a chick magnet right?
Me: Right
Mom: I think I just did that with the cat.
Mom: Cats are bro magnets.
Mom: Damn, a cat is going to get me a date.
Me: Welcome to internet dating.
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I just want to eat ice cream and chronically bitch...
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He's got woes to be blogged.
Dad: I think I want a tumblr
Me: Why?
Dad: Because I have woes to be blogged
Me: No you don't
Dad: Yes I do. They need to be blogged out.
Me: Like what?
Dad: Like why nobody lets me sing a Katy Perry song while cooking breakfast
Dad: Why i'm only limited to one Bon Jovi song a week
Dad: Why I have to lend everyone money and nobody will download the season finale of Shameless for me.
Me: Yeah, I see what you mean. Deep.
Let me address these questions,
surprisingly people have been asking me things that have caught me off guard. Mainly because they are more concerned about aspects of my life than I am. So here we go.
- What about your new job? What about it? I’m not gonna go to Italy because I currently have a new occupation? That’s exactly how people never do anything with their lives. Continue to sit at their cubical being a...
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“Cats are amazing creatures, they never go anywhere. Unlike husbands.”
– The old woman in the grocery line with a cart full of cat food. And that’s it.
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I've spent my entire Sunday;
in my underwear
under my covers
laying across my bed
listening to my iPod
sketching Italy
falling in and out of sleep
drinking Gatorade
writing notes to everyone who purchased one of my pictures
getting paper cuts from the envelopes
watching netflix
practicing my Italian
forgetting what I practiced
watching the clouds roll by my window
playing with Rufio
picking on Rufio
hiding...
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Dating Etiquette: Rule #1
DO NOT TOUCH MY NETFLIX INSTANT QUEUE.
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ydalir asked: How long are you planning on living in Italy? When you're finished there are you moving back home or off to explore another chunk of the earth?
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Watch
An all-expense paid adventure to northern Uganda can be yours. And it can be yours by next Wednesday. Let us make this a little more clear: We are giving away a trip to Uganda in 7 days. Do we have your attention yet? Invisible Children’s upcoming 25 event is asking you to stay silent for 25 hours and raise $25 for The Protection Plan, helping put an end to 25 years of war. But, starting today,...
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i'm not scared of death, i'm scared of the...
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i'm left handed, not an alien.
Stop skulking at me while I write.
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First night on the job
Boss: Don't step on that
Me: What? DON'T STEP ON WHAT!? WHAT DID I STEP ON!?
Me: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME ITS AN EYEBALL
Me: OR SOMEBODIES FINGER
Me: OMG AM I STANDING ON BRAINS!?!
Boss: I meant the extension chord..
Me: Oh..
