When mothers bond at the check out.

I had a pretty late night skateboarding and taking pictures, I ended up walking in the house at 8 in the morning. This fact was overlooked by my mother who insisted on me going with her grocery shopping, granted she did throw in an iHop trip to entice me.

After breakfast we headed to Sam’s Club. I for one hate Sam’s Club, nothing against the chain - i’m just lazy and I feel like I’m walking forever. At this point I start getting sluggish and groggy once we get to the check out. My mom turns around and tells me she forgot the milk and to quickly go back to get it. (ಠ_ಠ)

[this part of the story is handed down to me by my mother]

As I left, the woman in front of my mother asked how old I was. She retorted that I was 25, but I act 10 (yeah thank’s mom). The lady then started telling my mom about her son, how he was a recent art graduate, full of tattoos, and had a nose piercing. Basically he was the male version of me apparently. They gabbed about both of us back and fourth like they were on the view (and really, how slow is Sam’s Club with check out? I mean dang.) I’m obviously the slowest walker in the world because by the time I came back to our cart my mom was meeting her son (who was sent to fetch bananas) and our mothers were already on first name bases.

Tall, light skinned, sleeve tattoo, and an obvious thrift shop spender. If I had a hipster alert it would be sounding like this. His mother introduced us, “Damian, this is… KC.” I was mortified, just because I didn’t know who these people were and I felt like I was being set up for something. My mom interjected me before I could say something sarcastic, “He’s an art institute graduate also, maybe you guys can work on something together?” (ಠ_ಠ).

At this moment I had three options, I could just sit there silently and make him believe I was remedial, walk away from the cart and go to the car or engage in this conversation. He smiled and started laughing, stuck his hand out to shake my hand. Our mother scooted us to the side so we can have a small conversation while they checked out. “I’m sorry about this entire thing, I had no idea when I went to go get bananas we’d be in this situation.” I slightly giggled like I was scared, “Yeah I went to go get milk.” He told me that he was 22, a tattoo apprentice in DC and has aspirations to move back to cali (he’s San Diego breed). I gave him my quick tumblr biography and kept the conversation as short as possible. I mean, in the back of my mind I was completely embarrassed and trying to compose myself from Harry Potter references.

We exchanged numbers, he’s fresh in the Metro area and wanted some friends to hang out with or go out and do things. At the end of the conversation he waved bye to me pushing his mom’s cart in the opposite direction I was going. Once I got to the car I slowly put my head up against the glass and sighed very deeply. “Oh my goodness KC he is gorgeous! and his mom liked you! maybe you guys can start a friendship or something?” My mom was far more excited than she should have been. I sat in the passenger seat, buckled my seat belt and closed my eyes. My mom asked what I was doing, “I’m holding a candle light vigil for my life right now. There goes the pastor wishing my pride a happier afterlife. Dad brought daisies, I always loved daisies. Amen.” She just huffed and started the car.

I learned a big lesson today, a lesson that will carry on for generations until I have children of my own. I learned to never leave my mother alone in public, and no matter what never go back for a carton of milk. My mom bought groceries, dabbled in match.com, found the only tattooed boy in all of Sam’s Club, and convinced a mother that I was normal. She’s like a fucking Jedi to me right now.

But he did text me today, I just haven’t responded…don’t know if I will.